Isambard Crater

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Posts by Isambard Crater

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  34

  Really struggling to go on

  by Isambard Crater in

  1. jw
  2. friends

  so, so much has happened in my life over the years and continues to happen, but i won't go into the details as it would take a long time.. i don't really know why, but i returned to "the truth" 15 years ago.

  in 2012 when the tv broadcasting station launched, i started to develop doubts.

  the australian royal commission and other scandals made me angrier, and i now don't believe most of the core teachings.. the only reason i show up at 5 or 6 meetings each month is to keep in contact with my parents and a few other family members.. but it's killing me, literally.

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  Isambard Crater

  Thanks for sharing your eventually positive story Mickey mouse

  I'm assuming your faded and didn't DA or get DFed?
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  34

  Really struggling to go on

  by Isambard Crater in

  1. jw
  2. friends

  so, so much has happened in my life over the years and continues to happen, but i won't go into the details as it would take a long time.. i don't really know why, but i returned to "the truth" 15 years ago.

  in 2012 when the tv broadcasting station launched, i started to develop doubts.

  the australian royal commission and other scandals made me angrier, and i now don't believe most of the core teachings.. the only reason i show up at 5 or 6 meetings each month is to keep in contact with my parents and a few other family members.. but it's killing me, literally.

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  Isambard Crater

  What makes my life worse and has recently made me stay in bed all day on my days off work is that my husband's family control every aspect of his and our life too, not because of religion but because they're very controlling and also resort to blackmail just like DFing.

  So I feel I literally have no personality left and all the little things I used to do to keep myself sane all seem like a distant memory the more depressed I've become.
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  34

  Really struggling to go on

  by Isambard Crater in

  1. jw
  2. friends

  so, so much has happened in my life over the years and continues to happen, but i won't go into the details as it would take a long time.. i don't really know why, but i returned to "the truth" 15 years ago.

  in 2012 when the tv broadcasting station launched, i started to develop doubts.

  the australian royal commission and other scandals made me angrier, and i now don't believe most of the core teachings.. the only reason i show up at 5 or 6 meetings each month is to keep in contact with my parents and a few other family members.. but it's killing me, literally.

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  Isambard Crater

  Thankyou very much, everyone, for your support and replies. Each reply means a lot to me.

  SummerAngel and Pete Zahut, I can totally relate to the panic attacks, anxiety and other symptoms. The only time in my life when I've not suffered them is for the 15 years I drifted while I was an unbaptized publisher, before returning for in hindsight I don't know what for.

  My meeting attendance has dropped off a lot this last two years but quite a lot of other J.W's in the Congregation hardly attend these days either, so hopefully I can get away with continuing my trend.

  About my parents, it feels like having watched someone grow ingredients and spend a long time putting their heart and soul into making a meal for me, which I realise as soon as it's served on the table will poison me and them, but feeling like I'm eating it to prevent hurting their feelings, as I know how much genuine effort they put into it for the right motives.

  I have posted on this Forum for several months and appreciate all your support.
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  34

  Really struggling to go on

  by Isambard Crater in

  1. jw
  2. friends

  so, so much has happened in my life over the years and continues to happen, but i won't go into the details as it would take a long time.. i don't really know why, but i returned to "the truth" 15 years ago.

  in 2012 when the tv broadcasting station launched, i started to develop doubts.

  the australian royal commission and other scandals made me angrier, and i now don't believe most of the core teachings.. the only reason i show up at 5 or 6 meetings each month is to keep in contact with my parents and a few other family members.. but it's killing me, literally.

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  Isambard Crater

  The good news is I have more true friends outside the Org than in it, and I have sought professional help, but they all say leave the cult immediately. Losing my parents is holding me back, though, as I just find it so hard to imagine, even though they've told me to my face over the years that they would choose JW over me.

  Any tips on stopping JW guilt and frustration thoughts coming into my head 18/7 when I'm awake?
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  34

  Really struggling to go on

  by Isambard Crater in

  1. jw
  2. friends

  so, so much has happened in my life over the years and continues to happen, but i won't go into the details as it would take a long time.. i don't really know why, but i returned to "the truth" 15 years ago.

  in 2012 when the tv broadcasting station launched, i started to develop doubts.

  the australian royal commission and other scandals made me angrier, and i now don't believe most of the core teachings.. the only reason i show up at 5 or 6 meetings each month is to keep in contact with my parents and a few other family members.. but it's killing me, literally.

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  Isambard Crater

  So, so much has happened in my life over the years and continues to happen, but I won't go into the details as it would take a long time.

  I don't really know why, but I returned to "The Truth" 15 years ago. In 2012 when the TV broadcasting station launched, I started to develop doubts. The Australian Royal Commission and other scandals made me angrier, and I now don't believe most of the core teachings.

  The only reason I show up at 5 or 6 meetings each month is to keep in contact with my parents and a few other family members.

  But it's killing me, literally. I ache all over. I'm severely depressed and hugely anxious with little confidence, so much that I stay in the house most of the time.

  I take the subway to the Kingdom Hall and have many times wanted to jump in front of a train.

  I know there are hundreds, maybe thousands of PIMO (physically in, mentally out) people out there and on this forum, but unlike many of them, I don't feel I can go on.

  I try to think about other stuff, but from the second I wake up to the moment I go to sleep, the back of my mind, heart and muscular system is thinking about the organisation. I can't express my anger, doubts or sadness to family, and the only other PIMO JW I know in person lives 50 miles away and she usually is too nervous to talk about her own doubts.

  I guess my husband and I being blackmailed by his parents (not J.W's) doesn't help, and there's loads of other crap going on in my life. The elders and J.W's in general don't recognise depression that isn't cured by prayer and study. It scares me, and means I can't use depression as an excuse, or I don't feel that I can.

  The future feels very dark and I can't do this for another 20 years!
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  20

  Getting your WT files deleted (UK)

  by Splash in

  1. watchtower
  2. beliefs

  the uk are tightening up their data protection laws to make it easier for individuals to get hold of the information organisations hold on them and to get it deleted.. i think paul grundy (jwfacts) went through this with wt once and found it very time consuming and difficult.. will wt now abide by the law and hand over or permanently delete the records it keeps when requested?it would mean every uk exjw could have their report card info, personal file with age, sex, baptism date, judicial information, appointment/deletion/disfellowshipping dates, letters of disassociation, letters of recommendation when you move, phone number and address permanently removed.

  anyone acting for the wt (elders) who retain this information, eg your phone number in their phone or the secretary keeping your historical monthly report details, will be in violation.

  failure to comply will incur a fine.. expect a letter to all boe's any time soon explaining why this does not apply to them.. http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/technology-40826062.

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  Isambard Crater

  I was recently involved in a judicial scenario with the Elders, which involved a detailed letter about me being written to them from the UK H.Q. I asked to see a copy of this letter and the elders awkwardly sidestepped my request, basically saying it's not possible.

  I was seething, knowing deep down that this is probably in breach of the Data Protection Act.

  After reading your post, maybe I can soon request a copy.
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  17

  Stoned at the meeting.

  by Fader812 in

  1. social
  2. humour

  besides myself who else went to the meetings stoned?.

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  Isambard Crater

  I have a small glass of wine before each Kingdom Hall meeting, to reduce the rage and anxiety I feel leading up to it.
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  14

  After 103 years of JC Kingly Rule things dont look too good for Jehovahs Witnesses witnessing for Jehovah.

  by smiddy in

  1. jw
  2. friends

  these are 2015 figures.

  overall christians 2.3 billion.

  roman catholics 1.2 billion.

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  Isambard Crater

  Tell this to a J.W and they will quote the "narrow and cramped" thing Jesus said!
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  27

  opportunity for fornication

  by road to nowhere in

  1. watchtower
  2. beliefs

  ever see brother ugly who is 86 being taken to the doctor by sister frigid who is 65 and also not good looking?

  they have to have a chaperone or at least sit in back and front seats.

  or a man who can't bring the freezing daughter in the house when he stopped briefly by because hubby is not home.

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  Isambard Crater

  I'm 42. Because of my unusual weekly schedule, I used to go in Field Service at different times and nobody said anything about me often working with a widower pioneer brother in his 70s. Many in the org assume that attraction can't develop once one of the people passes a certain age.
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  24

  Paranoid why the coordinator's wife is soft shunning me

  by Isambard Crater in

  1. jw
  2. friends

  for the past six months the coordinator's wife has definitely been avoiding me, turning her back or walking away when i walk in her direction, giving me a stare at other times.

  if i try to make casual conversation with her, she literally walks away or just looks through me until someone else comes to talk to her.. i can only think of one reason, which is that she may have seen me give a car ride to a disfellowshipped person months ago.

  i mean, it would be totally random if she happened to spot me on this one short journey, but it's possible.

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  Isambard Crater

  For the past six months the coordinator's wife has definitely been avoiding me, turning her back or walking away when I walk in her direction, giving me a stare at other times. If I try to make casual conversation with her, she literally walks away or just looks through me until someone else comes to talk to her.

  I can only think of one reason, which is that she may have seen me give a car ride to a disfellowshipped person months ago. I mean, it would be totally random if she happened to spot me on this one short journey, but it's possible. Wouldn't she have said something to her husband, who would have had a quiet word with me as an elder? Or doesn't she have two witnesses as proof, so she's sulking? It's making me very uncomfortable. And yes, I'm mentally out but still attend and I'm generally still liked by most in the congregation as they just know I'm depressed.